I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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