dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize