imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
