I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize