I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
