Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
