Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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