Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
