i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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