I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
