Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The struggles of a small town man whore
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
