I skipped work to stalk him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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