Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
