Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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