i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
