I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize