So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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