SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
