Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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