kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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