Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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