there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I enjoy the company of your penis
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize