Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
