I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize