It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
