I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
