Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
