I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
