My liver just broke up with me...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
im on a boat
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