Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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