And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you win again, gameday.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
