our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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