And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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