Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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