I can text with my tongue
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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