i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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