Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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