One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
