Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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