he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
