Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
