my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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