turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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