i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love having hate sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
