The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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