and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
