How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
