dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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