So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
