Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
