Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
