my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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