you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
