Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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