I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
