TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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