Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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