You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
