I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
