Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
