Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize