is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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