no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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