He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
