Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
