I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
