Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
