The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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